10 Ways to Know You've Been a Cook Too Long

by Andrew Silvan

#10. If you’re over at a friend’s place helping cook dinner and you take a baked potato out of the oven with your bare hands and respond to their shocked expressions by saying, “…what?”

#9 If the thought of cooking anything more complicated than Chef Boyardee or ramen for your own dinner at home makes you feel no longer hungry…or makes you lose the will to live.

#8. You start rubbing your ever-growing midsection and referring to it as your “resume.”

#7. You spend more on a new ceramic Ulu knife than you did on your wife’s 10 year anniversary present.

#6. When you eat out, you prefer someplace with a buffet so you don’t have to deal with any servers.

#5. During the busy holiday season, you watch Grinch movies and sympathize with the Grinch.

#4. You enjoy having every weekend off…you just call it Monday and Tuesday.

#3. You make a guacamole flavored smoothie just to see how well it goes with your bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos.

#2. You didn’t have to google “Ulu knife” to get why #7 is funny.

#1. You realize that choosing a career in the “Culinary Arts” is just a clever euphemism for alcoholism.

Feel free to add any more if you've got them...!

Comments

fattypepper • 01/24/2009

when you hear the pos printer in your sleep zzz zzz bzbzzz bzbzbzzz. when even at home, you plate up nice, cause it just doesn't feel right if you don't. When you will starve before going to a restaurant around closing time. When the hamburger helper your wife/husband slaved over for 15 min doesn't impress you but you pretend it does(cause they just dont get it).

cnpark3 • 05/29/2009

you look for "staples" like sherry vinegar and maldon in the aisles of your neighborhood supermarket and then when you don't find them you get angry. also related, you make fun of people who buy morton's salt and rachael ray balsamic vinegar...

mf_walchak • 06/01/2009

When you find yourself wearing your coat and pants outside of work, on your days off, because wearing civilian clothes feels uncomfortable.

pdowgganduprise • 06/01/2009

When you walk in to your closet and only see in black andWhite

kellyjohnson • 06/05/2009

When yelling "Hot Behind" is not sexual harrasment. You bring your own knife kit to every BBQ and picnic you attend, even as a guest. The 72 drawer Snap-On tool box in the garage doesn't have a single screwdriver, saw, hammer or wrench in it. When after cooking 80lbs of lobster, 6 whole steer and a small farm worth of chickens over an 15hr day you need to swing by Taco Bell at 1:30am on the way home because you realize you haven't eaten since Tuesday.

cnpark3 • 06/05/2009

my personal faves (out of necessity because they were the only things open when I was done my shift in Napa) were wendy's late night drive thru and jack in the box... also, i say "behind" to anyone i move behind in any situation as a force of habit. it makes for confused grocery store patrons...

mwhite003 • 06/05/2009

When you don't care what you eat, as long as someone else will cook it and clean up after it. You know it is time for a sabaticle.

snakencake • 06/10/2009

When work at a popular, well recieved restaurant that has a 4 page menu of fabulous offerings, and you go behind the line to make yourself a meal, you find yourself whining, "There's nothing to eat around here" WAH